How to Network When You Hate Networking
Jobs filled through networking and referrals
Source: LinkedIn / Jobvite
To get hired when you're referred vs. cold applying
Source: Hiring research
Good networking is about genuine relationships, not using people
Source: Networking wisdom
Why Networking Feels Gross (And Why It Doesn't Have to Be)
Most people hate networking because they think it's about:
- Forcing small talk with strangers at awkward events
- Pretending to care about people you don't know
- Being "salesy" or transactional
- Asking for favors from people who don't owe you anything
Here's the truth: That version of networking is gross, and it doesn't work anyway. Real networking is about building genuine relationships over time, offering value first, and showing up as yourself.
Reframe: Networking = Building Relationships
Stop thinking of networking as "using people to get a job." Instead, think of it as:
- Learning: Talking to people in your field to understand trends and opportunities
- Helping: Connecting people who can benefit from knowing each other
- Sharing: Offering your expertise or perspective to others
- Staying visible: Reminding your network you exist and what you're working on
- Building friendships: Some of your best professional connections will become actual friends
Low-Key Networking Strategies (No Small Talk Required)
1. Leverage LinkedIn (Without Being Spammy)
LinkedIn is the introverted person's dream networking tool. You can connect with people without awkward in-person events.
What to do:
- Engage with content: Comment thoughtfully on posts from people in your industry (this is networking!)
- Send personalized connection requests: Don't just click "Connect" — add a note explaining why
- Share useful content: Post articles, insights, or projects you're working on (this keeps you visible)
- Send "no-ask" messages: Reach out to congratulate someone on a promotion or share an article they might like — no agenda
GOOD LINKEDIN MESSAGE TEMPLATE:
Hi [Name],
I came across your post about [topic] and really appreciated your perspective on [specific point]. I'm also interested in [related area], and it's refreshing to see someone thinking about it the way you do.
Would love to connect and follow your work!
Best,
[Your Name]
2. Informational Interviews (The Low-Pressure Approach)
Instead of asking for a job, ask for advice. People love talking about themselves and their career journey.
How it works:
- Identify someone whose career path interests you
- Reach out and ask for 15-20 minutes of their time
- Prepare 5-7 thoughtful questions about their experience
- Listen, take notes, and thank them sincerely
INFORMATIONAL INTERVIEW REQUEST:
Hi [Name],
I'm currently exploring opportunities in [industry/role], and I came across your profile. Your background in [specific thing] is exactly the kind of career path I'm interested in.
Would you be open to a 15-20 minute call to share advice on breaking into this field? I'd love to learn from your experience.
I'm happy to work around your schedule.
Thanks for considering!
Best,
[Your Name]
Pro tip: Always send a thank-you note after, and stay in touch occasionally (share an article, congratulate them on a milestone). This builds the relationship over time.
3. Join Online Communities (Reddit, Discord, Slack Groups)
You don't need to go to in-person events to network. Find online communities in your field and participate.
- Reddit: Subreddits like r/cscareerquestions, r/marketing, r/sales
- Discord / Slack: Industry-specific groups (e.g., Rands Leadership Slack, Write of Passage community)
- Twitter / X: Follow thought leaders and engage in thoughtful replies
4. Reconnect With Old Colleagues
Your best network is people who already know you. Reach out to former coworkers, classmates, or managers.
Hi [Old Colleague],
It's been a while! I was thinking about our time at [Company] and wanted to catch up. How have you been?
I'm currently [exploring new roles / working on X / learning Y], and I'd love to hear what you're up to these days.
Let me know if you're up for a quick coffee (virtual or in-person)!
Best,
[Your Name]
5. Attend Smaller, Topic-Specific Events
Skip the giant networking mixers. Instead, find niche events around topics you actually care about.
- Meetup.com: Find local groups around your interests (tech, startups, product management)
- Industry conferences: Smaller breakout sessions are better than massive keynote halls
- Workshops or courses: Taking a class is networking disguised as learning
How to Ask for a Referral (Without Being Weird)
Once you've built a relationship with someone, it's okay to ask for help — if you do it right.
The formula:
- Build rapport first (don't ask in your first message)
- Be specific about what you're asking for
- Make it easy for them to help you
- Give them an out (don't guilt-trip)
REFERRAL REQUEST TEMPLATE:
Hi [Name],
I hope you're doing well! I wanted to reach out because I saw that [Company] is hiring for a [Job Title] role, and it seems like a great fit for my background in [relevant skill/experience].
I know you work there — would you feel comfortable referring me or putting me in touch with the hiring manager? I've attached my resume for reference. No pressure if it doesn't make sense!
Either way, I appreciate you considering it.
Best,
[Your Name]
What to Do If You're REALLY Introverted
If the thought of reaching out to strangers makes you want to hide, start even smaller:
- Start with people you already know: Tell friends and family you're job searching — they might know someone
- Comment on LinkedIn posts: This counts as networking, and it's low-stakes
- Write content instead of talking: Blog posts, tweets, or LinkedIn articles establish your expertise without 1:1 conversations
- Focus on quality, not quantity: 5 strong connections \> 100 surface-level ones
Networking Mistakes to Avoid
- Asking for a job in your first message: Build rapport first
- Only reaching out when you need something: Stay in touch regularly, not just when you're desperate
- Forgetting to follow up: Networking is about long-term relationships, not one-time asks
- Being generic: "I'd love to pick your brain" is vague. Be specific about what you want to learn
- Not offering value: Share an interesting article, make an intro, or offer help — don't just take
- Ghosting people: If someone helps you, update them on the outcome (and say thank you!)
How to Maintain Your Network (Once You Have One)
Networking isn't a one-time thing. Stay in touch with people even when you don't need anything.
- Send quarterly check-ins: "Hey, thinking of you — how's work been?"
- Share relevant content: "Saw this article and thought of you"
- Congratulate milestones: New job, promotion, work anniversary
- Make introductions: Connect people who can benefit from knowing each other
Final thought:
Networking doesn't have to be fake or exhausting. At its core, it's just being a decent human who stays in touch with people and helps when you can. If you approach it with genuine curiosity and generosity, it won't feel like "networking" — it'll just feel like building friendships that happen to help your career.